Suns vs Lakers, Arizona vs Aliens, Irony vs Coincidence

Irony is a funny thing.

Now, what do I mean by that? Do I mean that irony is funny in a comical way, or do I mean that irony is funny in a curious way? Maybe I mean both. It certainly makes sense for me to say that irony is a comedic device. It also makes sense for me to say that irony is a curious thing.

"Well, why is it curious?" you ask.

Irony is curious because there are many different types of irony (e.g., verbal, dramatic, situational, etc.), and it is an oft-used figure of speech, but people misuse the word ALL THE TIME.

I think the biggest misuse of the word irony, is to describe something that is coincidental as being ironic. For instance, you probably know that the Los Angeles Lakers are in the middle of a playoff series against the Phoenix Suns. In fact, it's a really important series -- the NBA Western Conference Finals -- so lots of people are paying attention. You might also be aware that the hot political topic of the past month has been the Arizona immigration bill (Senate Bill 1070, a.k.a the "Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act"). Isn't it ironic that both of these events are taking place at the same time?

No. It is not ironic. It is coincidental!

Don't feel bad if you thought it was ironic. Lots of people mess this kind of stuff up. English is a tough language! We have all sorts of rhetorical devices that can be confusing.

Similar to the English language, politicians sometimes act in a confusing manner and, in Blue Blindness' opinion, the Arizona immigration issue has provided an opportunity for said politicians (along with media, celebrities, foreign leaders, and even Jim Bob from next door) to say certain things and behave in a certain manner as they oppose the bill, that could lead one to believe that these people might also struggle with the concept of irony.

As I pondered this idea, it occurred to me that this could be a golden blogging opportunity for me to address irony, along with other figures of speech, while also taking a look at the two coincidental events mentioned above. Therefore, I am pleased to present to you (with the help of an excellent article by Richard Nordquist) the "Top 20 Figures of Speech: Exemplified via the events pertaining to Lakers vs Suns and Senate Bill 1070."

20. Alliteration (ah-lit-err-RAY-shun): Repetition of an initial consonant sound.

Etymology: from the Latin, "putting letters together"

Example: In game three of the Western Conference Finals, Amare Stoudemire finally finds his fire and leads the Suns to victory with his energetic play.

This is not only a classic example of alliteration, but also a reminder to NBA observers that Stoudemire is a very talented, yet streaky player. If he tries, then the Suns are a top team and he can drop 42 points and 11 rebounds like he did to the Lakers in game three. If he is unassertive, however (like he was in games one and two, in which he tallied 41 total points and 9 total rebounds), then the Suns will put up a little bit of a fight, but will ultimately get handled.

19. Anaphora (ah-NAF-oh-rah): Repetition of the same word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses or verses.

Etymology: from the Greek, "carrying back"

Example: If you are a Mexican living in Arizona, according to Obama, the police will deport you while you go out for an ice cream, they'll deport you while you are picking flowers, they'll deport you while you're driving to church, and they'll deport you while you are helping an old lady cross the street.

Okay, so he really only said the first one about the ice cream, but that is ridiculous enough, right? Had Obama actually read the bill, then he would have probably noticed the second paragraph on the first page (the entire bill is only 17 pages long). It reads:

For any LAWFUL contact made by a law enforcement official or agency of this state or a county, city, town, or other political subdivision of this state where REASONABLE SUSPICION exists that the person is an alien who is unlawfully present in the United States, a reasonable attempt shall be made, when practicable, to determine the immigration status of the person. The person's immigration status shall be verified with the federal government pursuant to 8 United States Code Section 1373 (c).

In other words, Arizona police officers are not authorized to simply snatch people off the street like a dog catcher. There are legal words still in play, like probable cause, reasonable suspicion, lawful contact, and police officers are not protected from lawsuits if they are judged to have acted in bad faith.

Fear not, legal citizens of Arizona! You will not be racially profiled as long as you are not a Mexican pulled over for speeding and your car smells like pot. Then, yeah, you might get deported if you're an illegal alien. Otherwise, you'll just go to jail.

18. Antithesis (an-TITH-uh-sis): The juxtaposition of contrasting ideas in balanced phrases.

Etymology: from the Greek, "opposition"

Example: He's a cold blooded killer and a cute little meerkitten.

Obviously, I'm referring to Steve Nash here. Nash is just one of those guys who reminds of a precious little animal. The two that come to mind for me are a meerkitten (is that what baby meerkats are called?) and my little Australian Shepherd, Sadie. Sadie is one of those dogs that will bat her eyelashes at you one second, and then, if you pick her up the wrong way, give you a little growl and show you her very sharp teeth (reminds a lot of this famous clip).

Nash is averaging about 14 points and 14 assists so far this series, but he's only 1-6 from 3pt, so don't be surprised to see some classic "Steve Nash dagger threes" in games four and five. He's let Derek Fisher hang around with him for the first three games, but I'll guarantee you that he's going to show D-Fish who his Canadian daddy is, win or lose, before this series is over.

17. Apostrophe (ah-POS-tro-fee): Breaking off discourse to address some absent person or thing, some abstract quality, an inanimate object, or a nonexistent character.

Etymology: from the Greek, "turning away"

Example: Hello, Lady Liberty. Please accept me from under the cut-out portion of your border fence. Grant me with life, liberty, and the pursuit of free education and healthcare even though I do not pay income tax or social security. Protect me from the evil police officers who would have me deported only because I am here illegally and have shown probable cause to be what I am -- an illegal alien. Whoa is me! Have pity on such a wretch!

No additional commentary needed.

16. Assonance (ASS-a-nins): Identity or similarity in sound between internal vowels in neighboring words.

Etymology: from the Latin, "sound"

Example: Kobe snakes his way down the court on the break, shaking defenders who are in his way.

Assonance is kind of a tough one. On one hand, you don't want to use excessive rhyming and make the sentence sound like a poem. On the other hand, you have to string together enough similar-sounding words so that it qualifies as a figure of speech.

Kobe is a lot like assonance. On one hand, he has to share the ball with his teammates enough that he's not considered a ball hog, and to make sure that the Lakers win. On the other hand, Kobe wants to take enough shots and have the ball in his hands enough so that everyone knows that he's still the man. Yeah, that seems like a good enough comparison to me.

15. Chiasmus (ki-AZ-mus): A verbal pattern in which the second half of an expression is balanced against the first but with the parts reversed.

Etymology: from the Greek, "mark with the letter X"

Example: Illegal immigration is a problem, but it is a problem to address illegal immigration.

This is Blue Blindness' favorite part of speech so far. It is straight, simple, clever, and to the point. It also has a cool-sounding name. Chiasmus!

14. Euphemism (YOO-fuh-miz-em): The substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered offensively explicit.

Etymology: from the Greek, "use of good words"

Example: Ron Artest is a free spirited person, huh?

You see, "free spirited" is a nice way of saying that Ron Artest is a crazy ###### ######. He's done a nice job knocking down open threes in this series, though -- actually, that is relative; he's 6-18, but he went 12-52 against OKC and Utah. He's not super-important in the Suns series, but the Lakers will need him to give Paul Pierce and Ray Allen a hard time if they advance to the NBA Finals.

13. Hyperbole (hi-PURR-buh-lee): An extravagant statement; the use of exaggerated terms for the purpose of emphasis or heightened effect.

Etymology: from the Greek, "excess"

Example: Phil Jackson has won a bajillion championships.

Actually, he's only won ten, but it might as well be a bajillion. I guess that's what happens when you coach Jordan, Pippen, Kobe, Gasol, Free Spirit Artest, etc. Well, Ron hasn't won one yet, but maybe he'll give Phil number bajillion and one this year.

12. Irony (I-ruh-nee): The use of words to convey the opposite of their literal meaning. A statement or situation where the meaning is contradicted by the appearance or presentation of the idea.

Etymology: from the Greek, "feigned ignorance"

Example: It is ironic that Assistant Secretary of State for the Bureau of Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor, Michael Posner, apologized to CHINA(!) for what he called a "troubling trend in our society, and an indication that we have to deal with issues of discrimination or potential discrimination. And these are issues very much being debated in our own society" (this is in reference to the Arizona bill).

So, not only is Washington publicly ridiculing Arizona for passing a bill that makes it easier for its policemen to enforce a preexisting law, they are now apologizing to Communist China (the worldwide leader in human oppression and disregard for life and liberties) for a human rights issue?

You can't get any more ironic (or moronic) than that. Maybe it's just a ploy to appease The Red Country and to buy some more time before they call in our debt.

To apologize to China for a human rights issue is akin to apologizing to France for acting too snobby, or like apologizing to Spain for being too laid back, or like apologizing to Canada for being too insignificant, or like apologizing to Mexico for deporting its illegal immigrants ... wait a sec. More on that later.

11. Litotes (LI-toe-teez): A figure of speech consisting of an understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by negating its opposite.

Etymology: from the Greek, "plainness, simplicity"

Example: Pau Gasol definitely does not look like a bird.

One of these days we're going to see Gasol sticking his head in the Gatorade cooler like an ostrich and not think anything of it.

10. Metaphor (MET-ah-for): A figure of speech in which an implied comparison is made between two unlike things that actually have something in common.

Etymology: from the Greek, "carry over"

Example: Three-pointers are the pretty girl at the dance who makes you feel good about yourself and makes you look cool until she ditches you for the quarterback and everyone thinks you're a loser again.

I feel like this is the story of Channing Frye. He came to the playoffs (the dance) with a pretty girl and was feeling good about himself, shooting 44% from 3pt for the regular season. Then, his girlfriend ditches him and he's stuck with Thelma, as he went 27% in the Portland series. His luck dramatically changed after he danced with Thelma, and the homecoming queen started flirting with him. Frye was the most popular kid in school as he helped shoot down the evil San Antonio Spurs with a 54.5% average for the series. But now the homecoming queen is gone and he's stuck with Thelma's ugly sister, Piggie, and he's down to 7%. Poor Channing.

9. Metonymy (me-TON-uh-me): A figure of speech in which one word or phrase is substituted for another with which it is closely associated; also, the rhetorical strategy of describing something indirectly by referring to things around it.

Etymology: from the Greek, "change of name"

Example: The zebras aren't calling many fouls on the Lakers this series.

Actually, that's just for the first two games. The Suns finally made it to the stripe in game three, so, naturally, they won. If Amare can keep taking it to the ostrich, then maybe he'll keep shooting lots of free throws and the Suns can even up the series.

8. Onomatopoeia (ON-a-MAT-a-PEE-a): The formation or use of words that imitate the sounds associated with the objects or actions they refer to.

Etymology: from the Latin, "make names"

Example: "Bang!" -- famously shouted by play-by-play man, Mike Breen, after made three pointers.

I guess a basketball doesn't really make a "bang" sound as it goes through the net, but you get the idea. You have to give Breen credit; he's a great banger (whoa!).

7. Oxymoron (ox-see-MOR-on): A figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side; a compressed paradox.

Etymology: from the Greek, "sharp-dull"

Example: Steve Nash and Derek Fisher are the youngest old-dudes ever.

Seriously, Fisher is cut up and probably in better shape than most of the 20 year olds in the league, despite being 35. I could see Fisher becoming the NBA's Chris Chelios. Nash, 36, is healthier than a vegetarian 15 year old cross country runner. The guy has pretty much eliminated his cane sugar intake and he mostly sticks to grilled fish and chicken and healthy-people cereal.

6. Paradox (PAR-a-dox): A statement that appears to contradict itself.

Etymology: from the Greek, "incredible, contrary to opinion or expectation"

Example: Sometimes, it seems as if the media can make heroes of aliens while alienating those who should be heroes.

It drives me nuts that the liberal media and even elected officials for the opposing party try to paint the picture of the poor, hardworking illegal alien while, at the same time, painting the picture of the big, bad police officer who is hunting for aliens to handcuff and toss out of the country without cause. Why is it such a bad thing to protect our borders and enforce laws that are already in place? Am I going crazy?

5. Personification (per-SON-if-i-KAY-shun): A figure of speech in which an inanimate object or abstraction is endowed with human qualities or abilities.

Etymology: N/A

Example: The men's orange "Viva Los 1070" shirts looked right back at the TV cameras from the front row of the arena, daring the producers to have security escort their wearers right out the door.

And so the producers obliged (or at least that is what most people think, even though no one will admit who's order it was). Here is the link to the story. A couple of guys wore the shirts in response to the Suns donning their "Los Suns" jerseys in support of the illegal immigrants living in Arizona. I'm sure the people of Arizona appreciated that (nope). This whole episode stoked the fire already burning between Arizona and southern California.

4. Pun (pun): A play on words, either on different senses of the same word or on the similar sense or sound of different words.

Etymology: Uncertain

Example: Arizona's utility commissioner shocks California with threat to shut down electric service.

Get it? Shock ... electricity ... haha! Man, I really need to cut down on the lengths of these columns. But if you haven't heard this story, then you need to check it out. This guy tells L.A. to put its money where its mouth is, regarding their boycott of Arizona.

3. Simile (SIM-i-lee): A figure of speech in which two fundamentally unlike things are explicitly compared, usually in a phrase introduced by like or as.

Etymology: from Latin, "likeness" or "comparison"

Example: Andrew Bynum is like a giant baby condor whose drunk-like flight induces sharp pains to Laker fans who hopelessly look on wondering what could have been.

I truly believe that Bynum is the most overrated big man in the NBA. He would be out of the league if he were 6'-10" or shorter. The man is not a basketball player; he has simply been blessed with DNA that made him a tall human being.

2. Synechdoche (si-NEK-di-key): A figure of speech in which a part is used to represent the whole, the whole for a part, the specific for the general, the general for the specific, or the material made for the thing made from it.

Etymology: from the Greek, "shared understanding"

Example: The Suns' bench has been underwhelming in the Lakers series.

In this example, "bench" represents all of the reserve players for the Suns. Yeah, it's a lame example, but I've typed a lot today.

Seriously, though, if Los Suns are going to pull El Upset, then they're going to need for Dudley, Dragic, Amundson, Barbosa, and the aforementioned Frye to step it on up and put up some big boy points. The Lakers bench is pretty terrible, so if the Suns let them outperform their bench, then they'll be done in five.

1. Understatement (UN-der-STATE-ment): A figure of speech in which a writer or speaker deliberately makes a situation seem less important or serious than it is.

Etymology: C'mon

Example (I have several examples for this one):

This article is pretty long.

I bet hardly anyone reads the entire post.

Colten's attempts at humor in this post were mostly ill-conceived.

Steve Nash is the man.

Illegal immigration is a problem.

That's all, folks.

Another credit to Mr. Richard Nordquist for his excellent article about figures of speech on grammar.about.com.